whole new world

BUA CHU AGAIN!

Constance Lim — Tue, 21 Dec 2010 18:12:17 +0000

BLOG MOVED AGAIN~

to….

http://limmycons.blogspot.com

Karma.

Constance Lim — Thu, 16 Dec 2010 20:53:04 +0000

“Behind every tear, there may be joy. Behind every smile, there may be pain. Don’t judge.”

Here it goes: What goes around, comes around.

So this is how it feels. Worrying for someone, walking around everywhere in the middle of the night to look for someone, heart-aching seeing the elderly following you around… I’ve let them do this for me before. And now, is it payback time? When I was the missing person before, all I thought of was me myself and I. What can I do to make the pain stop, what should I do to turn back time, should I continue calling someone who doesn’t even give a shit, how can I die without pain. CRAP. STUPID. Fucking selfish. Now that Karma is here. I am thinking, what if something happened? What am I gonna do? God please be there with him. I’ve learnt my lesson. Please keep everyone I love, safe. Let it be me.

I cannot afford to see any of my pillars of strength fall now. I.. am not strong.. enough. Is this the reason for the urge to come home? Please, no. Ever since that incident, I’ve been following what my heart tells me to do despite how ridiculous things are. But I really cannot handle this. Let it be me. Dear God.

愛情轉移

Constance Lim — Mon, 29 Nov 2010 18:12:53 +0000

     愛情轉移 - 陳奕迅
     曲︰CHRISTOPHER CHAK
     詞︰林夕
     編︰陳珀／C.Y.KONG

     徘徊過多少櫥窗　住過多少旅館
     才會覺得分離也并不冤枉
     感情是用來瀏覽　還是用來珍藏
     好讓日子天天都過的難忘

     熬過了多少患難　濕了多少眼眶
     才能知道傷感是愛的遺產
     流浪幾張雙人床　換過幾次信仰
     才讓戒指義無反顧的交換

   ＊把一個人的溫暖　轉移到另一個的胸膛
     讓上次犯的錯反省出夢想
     每個人都是這樣　享受過提心吊膽
     才拒絕做愛情待罪的羔羊

   ＃回憶是抓不到的月光握緊就變黑暗
     等虛假的背景消失於晴朗
     陽光在身上流轉　等所有業障被原諒
     愛情不停站　想開往地老天荒
     需要多勇敢

     燭光照亮了晚餐　照不出個答案
     戀愛不是溫馨的請客吃飯
     床單上鋪滿花瓣　擁抱讓它成長
     太擁擠就開到了別的土壤

     感情需要人接班　接近換來期望
     期望帶來失望的惡性循環
     短暫的總是浪漫　漫長總會不滿
     燒完美好青春換一個老伴

     重唱　＊,＃,＊,＃

     你不要失望　蕩氣回腸是為了
     最美的平凡

I think that this is by far, the best lyrics.

Constance Lim — Sun, 28 Nov 2010 19:59:12 +0000

I’ve been… useless. Running around like headless chicken, meeting everyone, and still drinking like an idiot. Cash is running low, in a very dangerous zone. But thank God I’m starting work soon. I hope I can make it. I’m amazed how things have changed. I no longer enjoy non-working life as much. Thank you, God.

I’ve 2 people in a week who told me how I changed their lives. And I had thought my presence was nothing and just a passer-by. This has taught me to be careful with whatever I say and do from now on. I think everyone of us plays a part in others’ decisions to a certain extent. I’ve finally learnt Responsibility. Checked. Somehow, somewhere, someone you wouldn’t even think of, may just be doing some things because of you. It’s still a cycle. I’m a someone somewhere too, not thought of but still..

I miss my Dubai life and I’m especially missing 2 girls like crazy. Though life still goes on but it’s.. They’ve been closer than family to me. I don’t want us to drift but it always happens. There’s always an end to a beginning. My kutu and laney… I still wanna thank you girls again, again and never enough for just appearing in my life. I’ve just become a someone, somewhere again. I never knew I can have friends loving me that much, going all out for me, shedding tears for the nonsensical me, giving me your precious time to make it a point to see me as often as possible. I really appreciate everything. Thank Youss.

moments.

Constance Lim — Mon, 15 Nov 2010 23:34:32 +0000

I found an old picture of myself. A picture speaks a thousand words, indeed. :)

…

Moments.

Gone in a blink of eyes.

…

人在做，天在看。

don’t compare you and me.

Constance Lim — Sun, 14 Nov 2010 20:53:59 +0000

Don’t compare yourself to me. I don’t mean I’m superior in any way, but just, don’t compare yourself to anyone. Don’t boast about your income or try to put me down by telling me how busy you are and how i’m rotting at home. I love you as my friend, and I wish you all the best in every way. Don’t make me give up on you, as a friend or what we so call sister whatever. I don’t need someone I love to try her best to put me down. Insulting the guys who’re after me in every way possible? Com’on. I’ve turned blind and deaf to you and your loved ones’ insults to my new size so leave the people around me alone. Be confident, love. Don’t make me lose you. Noone loses/wins forever, you know it. As much as you don’t believe, I know you well enough to know what you are trying to imply each time you bring up any topic. As much as the front you put up to show everyone how innocent/naive you are, i know you’re not and you know what you want and how to get it. You’re beautiful, smart and shrewd. Thank you for whatever you’ve done for me before. But remember this, I don’t owe you anything. Lines shouldn’t have been crossed in the first place. But whatever now. I love you, and this is for you. You know who you are. Don’t come and confront me about this and make things way awkward. You’re still important to me. There’s a limit to patience. Don’t make me lose you.

….

I look and feel different in a setting so familiar.

As long as my family is with me, I don’t care who else comes or goes. Obviously I’ve a list of people who’re important to me and love me unconditionally and whom I’ll continue loving and thanking God for, for the rest of my life

I’m contented now. I’m going to do my lasik soon and I’m starting work shortly after that. My family is supportive and thank you, dearest Lord.

Constance Lim — Fri, 05 Nov 2010 21:58:41 +0000

Now I know.

How difficult it really is to face the reality.

How a job will change the perception of others’ about you.

How ridiculous it is and look like, when having no self-control.

How uncomfortable it feels to have someone you don’t love to be protective over you.

How every single moment now will become memory later, despite it being precious or not.

How the cycle goes on and on in life and you grow old and outta place eventually, whether you like it or not.

How being friendly to everyone will lead you to become a trash bag for everyone’s problems.

How inevitable changes are but it always end well, with patience.

How important it is to just have some alone-time for yourself.

How vulnerable our lives is.

How feelings change.

So this is how it feels.

I appreciate the love I get now and I thank God for everything.

There is NEVER right or wrong. It’s just a perception. For this, we shall never have any regrets in life. For me, I’ve tried all I could for the things and people I loveD. So far, tears and fears gave me unbelievable strength and confidence now. I kept getting the “aura” thingy comments these days, about myself. I used to say that about others. Amazingly, I seem to have it myself now. You can have nothing but still be proud of yourself. You can have everything but still feel empty inside out. You can hang on to a past that has forsaken you and be miserable. Or you can forsake a present that has many doors opened for you and still be miserable. What I say? Be as miserable as you can, do as many ridiculous things as you can manage, be downright miserable. Because that’s when things will turn for the better. That’s when you learn to appreciate beautiful things and people who loves you. Thank you, God.

Constance Lim — Tue, 26 Oct 2010 11:52:04 +0000

Time is running out, here. Somewhere which has been my home for the past almost 2 years. A place which which sheltered and spoilt me and most importantly, brought me away from a familiar place where memories hurt. I’m utterly grateful to God first then to this job and place. Most people tell me I’ll regret making this decision. I don’t want to regret anymore, there’re so many things in this short lifespan that I felt regretful for but in fact, I’m not. Things happen for a reason, a good reason. We may not see the good immediately but it’s always for the better for ourselves. I will not regret leaving but one thing for sure, I’ll miss everyone, everything here tremendously. This is the place I “grew up” from, or should I say the job?

Thank You, God.

When it’s time, it’s time. The time will never be right, we make the time right. I’ve a million thoughts running through my mind now. I’m officially emotionally unstable. Sick at the same time, worsens everything. I’m happy that I’m going home now, I really am. I’ve people who love me waiting for me to create trauma in their lives once again. What is love without trauma? You’ll never ever treasure love without one. Recently I watched the Taiwanese drama “Hi, my Sweetheart”. Cried my eyes out and random thoughts kept coming to me. “We can like many people at the same time but we can only love one.” How many have YOU claimed to love forever? Words are free, that’s why everyone including me, abuse the right to say whatever we want. This resulted in the doubt of credibility in whatever is said to us, by whoever.

Anyway, I’ve lotsa stuff to do before I sit down comfortably, on my way HOME. Ciao ciao. Thank God once again.

VOILA!

Constance Lim — Fri, 01 Oct 2010 15:44:03 +0000

Time flies, doesn’t it?

The agony of making decisions and changes seemed just yesterday yet the next moment, new beginnings are awaiting. It is a done deal that my lifestyle is gonna change, all over again. It’s time for a routine life again. Rather than waking up at weird hours for work, asking for GMT times, waking up in different countries, asking if anyone prefers the less favoured meal choice, repeating “orange, apple, mango, pineapple or tomato?” for a few hundreds times, planning how to arrange melamines on the trays to make it easier for clearance, reprimanding people for smoking in lavatories, ensuring no bombs planted in every single corner, checking that oxygen bottles’ pressure are in the green zone, etc. No regrets though, yet. But it’s hard, to leave a carefree, sheltered, well-paid lifestyle. But it has to happen sooner or later, I always choose sooner. So, come what may.

I’m rewarding myself with 2 weeks of rest before i get my arse working again. It’s gonna be a rough time again, starting from scratch. But that’s what I like. Challenges. I always complain but I realise I enjoy creating stress for myself. Ridiculous ttm. At the same time, I’m being forced to go into a MLM(Multi-Level-Marketing) thingy. It has become a family thing. My aunt started it and she wants me to consume the products since she has lost 5kg in a month and she is so determined that I needed that. It sort of detoxify our body, a Swiss product. My dad is the guinea pig for me now. So sad but true. He’s been very obedient in consuming the product. Every morning and night, he’ll mix the yummy, fruity scented powder with water. It is not for him to lose weight but to detoxify. I just want him to be healthy. When I return, I’ll start it myself. If results are positive, why not. Earning money from it will be a plus point, not the main objective. Research on the product when i’m back.

I’ll have to get use to waking up early in the morning, cursing at traffic jams blah blah. But it would be good i reckon. I feel more settled and ready for a routine lifestyle now. Crazy days and nights? I can say, been there done that. Sufficient, for now. For years now, I’ve found no reason to just cling to someone, settle down and just live with that person, to have no life. I see that now. We live for love, for peace, for stability. No life is life. Even if i cannot bring myself to let someone else into my life, I’ve more than enough people to love now. I’m making it up to my family and friends who have been there for me. Thank God.

Now, i’ve to worry packing my stuff and running around to settle stuff. Soon, i’ve to worry unpacking my stuff and running around to meet my friends. Changes, inevitable. Still, I love You, God, for everything.

Constance Lim — Thu, 16 Sep 2010 22:17:55 +0000

How ridiculous does it get? To miss someone else’s family. They have it all. The parents who are already grandparents. They’ve money to lead more than an average lifestyle. They have family dinners every week. The kids in the house get married when “it’s time”. All of them have a boy and a girl each. Perfect family. The one I thought I’ve always wanted to have and be in and was once in. But heck, I’m really happy for them, the blessed people. I bear no grudges. Hell no. What have I always wanted? I wanted everything possible. I have always wanted the best in all kinda worlds. I’m the “I want it too!” kinda person. This trait in me tortures me every single day and puts me nowhere, always hanging.

What do I really want? A thought to ponder on for the rest of my life. For now, all I want is to be home and stop being fat. Soon, baby. I’m going home, to a place where I belong. I guess point proven that I need noone in particular to live this life. Coming back with an open heart. That’s what it is. Moving on from where I left it, facing it. When people ask me: “Why?” Honestly, I don’t know how to answer that question. But I had to fake out all kinda reasons. I blame it on the country i’m based in, the fakeness in people, the being faraway from family and friends, etc. But seriously, it’s none of that(maybe a tiny fraction though). It’s… just time. And it also means that the usual me is back. Not totally proud, but happy to have Me back in the house. I’m gonna miss this lifestyle though. Everyone says I’ll regret it. So what if I do? I’m the miserable one, i’m letting evil eyes gloat for awhile. With my jobless status and absurd fatness. I can’t say I don’t care cos’ I really do. That’s why, there’ll be a comeback. Over this period of time, you can never imagine, how many of the people I love whom I call friends, laugh at me being fat. Worst, they mock at me with their partners. Hurt? Hell yes. But I learnt that if putting people down is what they like to do, shame on them. That’s it. What goes around, comes around. Consoling myself? Yes, I needed that. I’ve been very, extremely lazy these days. I’ve put on another zillion pounds. Who cares? Evil eyes do. But i’m telling you, nothing lasts forever. Haha. I promise myself, i’ll lose them all back to where they belong. Definitely not with me. ;p As for now, I don’t mind name-calling. I deserve it!

Once my jobless status is confirmed, I shall start my packing phase. Wow. Hate that. I’ve no idea how many cartons I need for a mere 1nhalf year of my life. And I’ve no clue at all how I should get them back. What kinda shipment? How should I bubble wrap my TV, HI-FI etc.? My clothes….. my shoes….. my books…..

Anyway, I’m grateful for all the choices I’ve in my life. Thank you, God.