How ridiculous does it get? To miss someone else’s family. They have it all. The parents who are already grandparents. They’ve money to lead more than an average lifestyle. They have family dinners every week. The kids in the house get married when “it’s time”. All of them have a boy and a girl each. Perfect family. The one I thought I’ve always wanted to have and be in and was once in. But heck, I’m really happy for them, the blessed people. I bear no grudges. Hell no. What have I always wanted? I wanted everything possible. I have always wanted the best in all kinda worlds. I’m the “I want it too!” kinda person. This trait in me tortures me every single day and puts me nowhere, always hanging.
What do I really want? A thought to ponder on for the rest of my life. For now, all I want is to be home and stop being fat. Soon, baby. I’m going home, to a place where I belong. I guess point proven that I need noone in particular to live this life. Coming back with an open heart. That’s what it is. Moving on from where I left it, facing it. When people ask me: “Why?” Honestly, I don’t know how to answer that question. But I had to fake out all kinda reasons. I blame it on the country i’m based in, the fakeness in people, the being faraway from family and friends, etc. But seriously, it’s none of that(maybe a tiny fraction though). It’s… just time. And it also means that the usual me is back. 
Not totally proud, but happy to have Me back in the house. I’m gonna miss this lifestyle though. Everyone says I’ll regret it. So what if I do? I’m the miserable one, i’m letting evil eyes gloat for awhile. With my jobless status and absurd fatness. I can’t say I don’t care cos’ I really do. That’s why, there’ll be a comeback. Over this period of time, you can never imagine, how many of the people I love whom I call friends, laugh at me being fat. Worst, they mock at me with their partners. Hurt? Hell yes. But I learnt that if putting people down is what they like to do, shame on them. That’s it. What goes around, comes around. Consoling myself? Yes, I needed that. I’ve been very, extremely lazy these days. I’ve put on another zillion pounds. Who cares? Evil eyes do. But i’m telling you, nothing lasts forever. Haha. I promise myself, i’ll lose them all back to where they belong. Definitely not with me. ;p As for now, I don’t mind name-calling. I deserve it!
Once my jobless status is confirmed, I shall start my packing phase. Wow. Hate that. I’ve no idea how many cartons I need for a mere 1nhalf year of my life. And I’ve no clue at all how I should get them back. What kinda shipment? How should I bubble wrap my TV, HI-FI etc.? My clothes….. my shoes….. my books…..
Anyway, I’m grateful for all the choices I’ve in my life. Thank you, God.
